People-Pleasing & Approval Addiction (Part 1) – Break Free by Renewing Your Mind
We’ve all done it — said yes when we wanted to say no, apologized for something we didn’t do, or lost sleep trying to make sure everyone else was happy. It’s easy to mistake people-pleasing for kindness, but the truth is, it’s often driven by fear — fear of rejection, disapproval, or not being enough.
The problem is, this fear-based living leaves us exhausted, anxious, and disconnected from who God created us to be.
In Episode 23 of The Day One of Sobriety Podcast, we’re diving into the pattern behind approval addiction — what it does to the brain, how it distorts your sense of worth, and how you can start retraining your mind to find peace in God’s approval instead of people’s opinions.
🎧 Want to go deeper? Listen to the full episode: People-Pleasing & Approval Addiction: Break Free by Renewing Your Mind ⏩
When Performance Replaces Peace
For years, I believed that keeping everyone happy was my purpose. If I could prevent disappointment, I could finally feel safe and accepted.
One day at work, I finished a major project that followed every direction my boss had given. I double-checked the email, the notes, and the layout — everything matched perfectly. But when I presented it, his tone shifted. “This isn’t quite what I had in mind,” he said, outlining a new version that contradicted the original instructions.
It was late in the afternoon, and the project needed to be redone before a morning meeting. I wasn’t wrong — but I still apologized and stayed late to fix it. That night, after missing dinner with my family, I lay in bed feeling frustrated and ashamed. I replayed the day in my mind and finally asked myself, “Why do I keep doing this?”
That’s when the Holy Spirit whispered,
“You’re seeking approval and validation through performance.”
Those words changed everything. Because what I thought was “serving with excellence” was actually striving for validation. I was chasing peace through people instead of resting in the truth that I was already approved by God.
What’s Really Happening in the Brain
When you base your peace on other people’s approval, your brain creates a neurological link between pleasing others and feeling safe. Each time you receive affirmation, your brain releases a quick hit of dopamine — the “feel-good” chemical — which gives you momentary relief.
The problem? That relief is short-lived. Soon, you need another “fix” of approval, and your brain keeps repeating the pattern:
Fear → Appease → Relief → Repeat.
It’s the same cycle the Bible warns about in Proverbs 29:25:
“The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”
Spiritually, people-pleasing becomes a trap. It silences your confidence, clouds your identity, and distracts you from your purpose.
Freedom Starts in the Mind
Here’s the good news: your brain can be renewed. Romans 12:2 says,
“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Through both Scripture and neuroscience, we know that you can literally rewire your thoughts by interrupting unhealthy patterns and aligning them with truth.
That’s where the Catch–Shift–Thank–Release tool comes in — a powerful way to reset your mind whenever that familiar pressure to please reappears. It’s a mind renewal tool that can be used to replace any “default loops” that are hardwired into your current circuitry!
The Catch–Shift–Thank–Release Tool
🧠 Catch the thought — Notice when you start to worry about someone’s opinion or feel the urge to over-apologize.
💡 Shift the focus — Replace the lie with truth: “My safety and value come from God’s love, not human approval.”
🙏 Thank Him — Gratitude changes your brain chemistry. Say, “Thank You, Lord, that I’m already loved and accepted by You.”
🕊️ Release — Surrender the pressure. Breathe deeply and pray, “Father, I release this need for approval and receive Your peace.”
Each step teaches your brain to respond to stress with faith instead of fear — and over time, you build new pathways that lead to lasting peace.
The power behind this tool is found in 2 Corinthians 10:5 — taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ. You’re catching that thought, taking it captive, shifting it by coming out of agreement with the lie, thanking God for His truth as you come into agreement with it, replacing the thought with His truth, and releasing the lie back to Him.
When this process is used repeatedly, it helps you rewire unhealthy thought loops and feedback cycles — breaking old patterns that lead to anxiety and replacing them with new ones rooted in peace.
Because thinking drives emotions, behaviors, and mindsets, if we want to live a more peaceful life, we must start with more peaceful thoughts.
This powerful mind renewal tool was first introduced in Episode 16, Overthinking Everything: How to Find Peace by Surrendering Control. If you’d like to dive deeper into the origin of the tool and how it applies to overthinking, you can read the companion blog post.
Choosing Peace Over Performance
Overcomer, you can’t control people’s reactions — but you can control your thought patterns.
The moment you stop living for approval, you start living from identity.
Here’s your challenge for this week:
Catch the moments when you feel the need to please.
Shift your focus to God’s truth.
Thank Him for your worth.
Release the pressure to perform.
It’s time to stop chasing peace and start receiving it.
You are precious, honored, and chosen — not because of what you do, but because of Whose you are. 💖
🙏 Prayer
Father, thank You for calling me precious and honored in Your sight. Thank You that my worth isn’t dependent on anyone’s approval. Help me recognize when I’m striving for love I already have in You. Teach me to pause before pleasing, to trust Your voice above all others, and to find peace in Your unconditional acceptance. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.
🌿 Continue the Journey
Keep renewing your mind and growing in grace with these free resources:
👉 Download your free14-Day Devotional–Break Free from People Pleasing! Access it by joining the Mind Renewal Solutions Made Simple Facebook Community or by becoming a Day One of Sobriety Insider.
👉 Explore the Day One of Sobriety Blog for more faith-filled tools and neuroscience insights.
👉 Learn about the upcoming Developing a Day One Mindset Group Coaching Program launching in January 2026.
⚠️ Disclaimer
The Day One of Sobriety Podcast and Blog are for educational and spiritual growth purposes only and are not intended as medical or mental health advice. Always seek professional care for medical or therapeutic needs.
