Healing from Church Hurt — Why We Need Each Other to Grow
Have you ever been hurt by someone in church — a pastor, friend, or small group that didn’t show up when you needed them most? When that happens, it can shake your trust and make you wonder if community is even worth it. But what if healing from church hurt isn’t about walking away from people — it’s about allowing God to restore your heart and teach you how to trust again?
🕊 A Lesson from the Sky
It was one of those crisp October mornings when the air feels alive. I looked up and saw a familiar sight — geese flying south in that perfect “V” formation. Scientists tell us that this formation allows them to fly nearly 70% farther than if they flew alone. When one goose grows tired, it falls back into the flock, and another takes the lead. If one is injured, two others drop out to stay with it until it’s strong enough to fly again.
Watching them, I thought, That’s how God designed us to live. We were never meant to fly solo. God created us to walk in fellowship — to lift, encourage, and guide one another. That’s why community matters so deeply to our faith.
✨ God’s Design for Fellowship
The early church understood this. Acts 2:42 says, “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” The word fellowship comes from the Greek koinonia, meaning deep partnership and shared life. It’s more than Sunday small talk; it’s about showing up for one another, carrying burdens, and walking together toward Christ.
Proverbs 27:17 reminds us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” When we share life with believers who encourage and challenge us, we grow stronger in faith and maturity. True fellowship is how we experience God’s love in action.
🧠 The Neuroscience of Connection
Science confirms what Scripture has always said: we are wired for connection. When we engage with safe, supportive people, our brains release oxytocin — the bonding hormone that builds trust and reduces stress. But when we isolate or withdraw, the brain’s amygdala — the alarm center — stays active, keeping us in a constant state of hypervigilance. Loneliness literally tells our brain that something is wrong.
That’s why community isn’t just a spiritual principle — it’s a biological necessity. God designed connection to regulate our emotions, renew our minds, and restore our peace.
💔 When Church Hurts
Unfortunately, people sometimes misrepresent Christ. Apologist Frank Turek once said, “When we hear someone playing Mozart badly, we don’t blame Mozart — we blame the player.” The same is true for church hurt. We shouldn’t blame Jesus for how someone represented Him poorly.
The truth is, people will fail us, but Jesus never will. The Church is His bride — imperfect, but being refined. God can heal your heart, rebuild your trust, and bring you into a healthy, Spirit-led community where you can grow again.
🔑 Taking the First Step Back
If you’ve been away from church for a while, reentering community can feel intimidating. Maybe you’re wondering where to start — or even if you want to try again. But take heart: God meets you right where you are.
Before you begin searching for a church, pray for discernment and peace. Visit websites, read about their mission and values, and even watch a sermon online to get a sense of their culture. When you attend, look for authenticity, warmth, and alignment with God’s Word. And remember, it’s okay to take small steps — community grows one conversation at a time.
To help you navigate this journey, I’ve created a Practical Guide for Reentering Church Community — a resource filled with questions, encouragement, and steps to help you reconnect safely and prayerfully. You can access it inside our Mind Renewal Solutions Made Simple Facebook Community or through our Insider Weekly Newsletter.
💭 Renewing Your Mind After Hurt
If you’ve made the decision to try again but find yourself overthinking or anxious, remember the Catch–Shift–Thank–Release tool from Episode 16. Here’s a simple example:
Catch: “I don’t belong in church anymore.”
Shift: “God has a place for me in His family.”
Thank: “Thank You, Lord, for preparing people to welcome me.”
Release: “Father, I give You my fear and trust You to lead me.”
Gratitude and surrender help redirect anxious thoughts, allowing peace to take root again. For a full walkthrough of this tool, revisit Episode 16: Overthinking Everything? How to Find Peace by Surrendering Control.
🌿 Healing and Hope
Friend, community may have hurt you — but it can also heal you. The very place where pain began can become the place of restoration when you let God lead. Healing doesn’t mean pretending the past didn’t happen; it means letting God reframe it with His truth.
Like the geese flying in formation, we go farther together. When one grows tired, another leads; when one is wounded, others stay close. That’s how God designed His Church to thrive.
💬 Continue the Journey
If this message spoke to your heart, keep going — and take the journey deeper through the podcast. Each episode blends faith, science, and practical tools to help you renew your mind and live in freedom.
🎧 Listen to the Day One of Sobriety Podcast for weekly encouragement and mind renewal insights.
💡 Join the conversation and access the Practical Guide for Reentering Church Community inside the Mind Renewal Solutions Made Simple Facebook Community
You don’t have to walk this path alone. God has designed a community to lift, strengthen, and walk beside you — one step, one conversation, one act of faith at a time.
⚠️ Disclaimer: The Day One of Sobriety Podcast and blog are for educational and spiritual growth purposes only and are not intended as medical or mental health advice. Always consult a qualified professional for medical concerns.
