Part 2: If I'm Saved, Why Am I Stuck? 3 Mindsets You Need to Thrive & Overcome!
This blog post is a transcript of Episode 7 from the Day One of Sobriety Podcast
Sometimes we can feel stuck in our Christian walk. We look around and get caught in comparison traps, thinking everyone has it together, but us. We know we should be spending quality time with God, but our busy schedules are so chock full of commitments, we just don’t know how to fit God in! We stop growing, feel disconnected from our faith, and the stressors of life start to overwhelm us.
You’re not alone! When I committed my life to Christ 16 years ago I was under a mountain of mess. I had been trapped by toxic thinking and destructive habits for many years. I got stuck – A LOT – but I broke free! For me that freedom meant saying good-bye to depression & anxiety medications for good!
In the previous blog post, I revealed 3 powerful mind renewal mindsets that help Christians come unglued - the God way! In Mindset #1 we discussed how to embrace change and commit to the mind renewal process.
Today we’re taking a deep dive into Mindset #2: Nurture & Grow Your Relationship with God. I’ll reveal the three C’s that will keep you deeply rooted and connected to God.
You Must Start Within
In order to experience an outward change in your behavior, you must start with an inward transformation of your thinking. This is what it means to renew your mind. In this three-part series I’m revealing the mind renewal mindsets that keep believers on a forward path of healing, restoration, and transformation. I encourage you to start with the previous blog in order to fully benefit from this teaching.
Mindset #1: Embrace Change & Commit to the Process - We’ve all failed in one way or another, and the Good News of Jesus Christ delivered us out of the bondage of sin and into freedom. Salvation was instantaneous, but our inward transformation will be a lifelong journey. We must embrace the changes we need to make and commit to the process. When we do, God partners with us and teaches us how to live spirit-led lives.
Mindset #2: Nurture & Grow Your Relationship with God - This is critical to your growth and transformation in Christ. It’s not about religion, it’s all about relationship. This is where we’ll spend most of our time today.
Mindset #3: Faith is Not a Feeling - It’s a Choice - This mindset moves you from thinking naturally to thinking supernaturally. A renewed mind has the ability to think like God, taking on God’s thoughts and seeing your daily life and circumstances through a faith lens. When storms blow, your boat doesn’t capsize. You learn how to ride the waves and calm your storms!
When you learn to apply all three mindsets, you’ll go from striving to be a Christian, to thriving as a child of God; experiencing a life of truth, freedom, and joy.
Mindset #2: Nurture & Grow Your Relationship with God
Salvation is a transaction – an exchange between you and God. When you asked Jesus to come into your heart, He renewed your spirit. He gave you a gift, His Holy Spirit, a supernatural counselor and friend, to help guide you and teach you this new way of life. He took the sins of your past, and wiped the slate clean. You experienced a deep, transformative work of God, resulting in new perspectives, new desires, and a new ability to live according to God’s plan.
This new ability is the driving force behind Mindset #1: Embrace the change and stay committed to the process, and you need this new ability as you begin to renew your soul and learn how to live a spirit-led life. As you live this spirit-led life, you begin to produce fruit; or evidence of God in your life.
If you don’t embrace the change and stay committed to the process, you will fail to renew your soul. Living a soul-led life caters to the will and desires of your flesh, and you eventually return to old patterns of behavior and destructive choices.
There are only two options – two choices – two paths forward. When we’re first born again, we’re on fire for God and eagerly start out pursuing the spirit-led life, but many Christians quickly get stuck. Why? First, not all churches teach about the Holy Spirit, more specifically the Holy Spirit's role in transforming a believer’s life. Second, even if a believer does know about the Holy Spirit, they often don’t understand how to partner or build and grow a relationship with the Holy Spirit. This was me for many years.
Moving from Knowing God to Encountering Jesus
I grew up only knowing “of” God. I regularly attended Sunday School as a child and joined “Youth Group” in high school. In college I dabbled with God – and sampled a variety of churches. Joining the workforce full-time and raising a family soon took precedence. When the weekend arrived it was jam packed with responsibilities and kid events. I didn’t turn my back on God, but He wasn’t a priority and I didn’t make room for Him. He slowly faded into the background of my busy life.
In EP1 of the Day One of Sobriety Podcast, I share my testimony of how God intervened in my life, miraculously stopped me from committing suicide, and brought me to a church where my mindset shifted from just knowing “of” God, to encountering a real and personal relationship with Jesus. I had been a Christian for over two decades, and although I’d heard of the Trinity – The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I had a very limited understanding of the Holy Spirit.
In John 14:26, in the Amplified Classic translation, Jesus says this to His disciples:
“But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance everything I have told you.”
This verse highlights the Holy Spirit’s role in guiding believers, revealing truth, and helping them understand and remember Jesus’ teachings. Let’s go a little deeper into this verse.
The Holy Spirit is referred to as the “Helper,” indicating His role as a guide, comforter, and advocate for believers.
The verse emphasizes that the Holy Spirit will “teach you all things,” which suggests an ongoing process of instruction and revelation.
The role of the Holy Spirit is to also “bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you,” indicating His role in helping believers recall and apply Jesus’ teachings in their lives.
This verse highlights that the Holy Spirit is sent by the Father in Jesus’ name, and describes the interconnectedness of the Trinity and the Holy Spirit’s role in revealing Jesus to believers.
The Fruit of the Spirit
The Christian life is supposed to be a life-long journey of transformation. We move from living soul-led lives, which are influenced by our mind, will, and emotions, to living spirit-led lives that are influenced by the Holy Spirit.
The definition of the word influence is this: the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.
In order to have influence over something, there must be significant exposure. This is the foundation of Mindset #2: Nurture & Grow Your Relationship with God. The more time you spend together, the greater the Holy Spirit influences you. And over time, the influence of the Holy Spirit will develop “fruit of the spirit.”
I’ll share three ways to nurture and grow the Holy Spirit’s influence in your life, but first I want to spend a bit more time talking about the “fruit of the spirit.”
This fruit is described in Galatians 5:22-25 like this:
The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.
Evidence of the “fruit of the spirit” in your life, is evidence of God in your life. As you partner and spend time with the Holy Spirit, you are continually transformed and become more like Christ.
Let’s talk about application! It’s important that you look carefully at the kind of fruit your life is producing. Renewal Ministries of Colorado Springs created a “Fruit of the Spirit Assessment.” This assessment will do two things. First, it will reveal where the Holy Spirit has already been at work. Second, it will highlight the areas where God desires to do more work in your life. Please treat this “assessment” more like a “survey.” It’s not a test of whether you’re a good or bad Christian. We ALL fall short! That’s why Jesus went to the cross and paid for our sins. Honor His sacrifice by continuing to learn, apply, and grow.
A Diet of Milk or Meat
I love how the Bible uses the imagery of milk and meat to represent different stages of spiritual growth. You can find examples of this in 1 Corinthians 3:2 and in Hebrews 5:12-14. Just as a baby grows into an adult; graduating from milk to meat, Christians are called to progress from relying on basic teachings to understanding more complex aspects of their faith. My pastor, Emelio Sebastian, describes this growth in a beautifully simplistic way: You cannot just be readers of the Word, you must become doers of the Word.
It’s possible for a 5, 10, or even 20 year Christian to still be feeding on milk! It’s not the passage of time as a believer that matures you, but the application of what you learn over time. The Holy Spirit helps believers to grow in their understanding of God's word and move beyond basic teachings to deeper spiritual truths. It’s developing “spiritual muscles and mindsets” that build confidence and trust in your relationship with God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. Doers of the Word are producers of the fruit!
Grow a Relationship with God Using the Three C’s
Once you’ve taken the Fruit of the Spirit Assessment and identified the areas where more work is needed, you next develop a growth plan utilizing what I call the Three Cs: community, connection, and communication.
Community: It is very important to attend a biblically sound church and seek fellowship and support with other believers. This is where you hear others' testimonies of how God is impacting their lives. It builds and deepens your faith! You can join a Bible Study, ask questions, and find support. It’s not only about what you receive from this church community but also what you can contribute. There are opportunities to serve and give back to the community.
As a mind renewal and spiritual coach, I often hear about people’s experiences with “church hurt” and reluctance to attend church. I’m absolutely not downplaying this, and I’m not speaking to the unfortunate people who have experienced abuse from church leadership. But if you’ve had a few bad experiences, don’t give up on church. The benefits you receive from being part of a body of believers is crucial to your growth.
Connection: This is your “togetherness” with God, and it doesn’t happen automatically. It needs to be intentional and consistent. When you met your best friend or started dating your spouse, you spent time together getting to know each other. The relationship deepened and you came to rely on each other. It’s that way with God too. You get to know Him by reading the Bible. You learn about His character, instructions for living, and about His plans for humanity and for you individually.
I often hear this, “I don’t read the Bible because I can’t understand it.” That’s just an excuse and will keep you stuck. Remember, one of the roles of the Holy Spirit is to help your understanding and to provide revelation. Find a translation of the Bible that makes sense to you. I use The Passion Translation and The Amplified Classic translations. My favorite online tools are the YouVersion Bible App, Bible Hub, and Blue Letter Bible. A study Bible provides commentary, definitions, and maps that help you understand biblical times and culture.
I also recommend a daily devotional or Bible reading plan. Devotionals use a piece of scripture in a story to make it more practical and understandable so you can apply it to your own life. If you look the scripture up or even write the scripture out in different versions, your understanding will improve. YouVersion has many excellent reading plans to help you grow and apply what you read.
Communication: If you spent time with your friend or spouse, but didn’t talk, you wouldn’t likely deepen and grow the relationship. It’s that way with God, too. Prayer is simply talking to God, and then listening to Him. It’s two way communication – Sending and receiving. Share your specific concerns, needs, and things you are grateful for. Sit quietly and learn to hear from God.
I talk with God all day long. We even have favorite places to chat, like when I’m cooking, driving, or out in nature. It wasn’t always this way. When I first started praying I struggled to find the right words, worried if I was saying everything right, and struggled to listen and allow God to speak to me.
A great way to start and build a prayer life is to commit twice daily: first thing in the morning before your feet hit the floor, and the last thing at night before you go to sleep. I still do this now. When I wake up, God gets my first “Good Morning” greeting. I thank Him for another day, and ask Him to guide my day and give me opportunities to be a blessing to others. At night I like to review my day with God. I ask His forgiveness for any places I missed up, share my gratitude for the things that went well, and ask for His protection and guidance for my family.
Many Christians like to journal as a way of communicating with God. It’s a lot like prayer, but in written form. Writing often helps the brain process information. As you share a concern or problem with God, you may find the Holy Spirit helps you process and brings more clarity or peace to the situation.
Worshipping God fits under both Connection and Communication. It’s the way we express our love for God. It’s often done with music or singing, but it can also be art, dance, or another form of expression. Having an attitude of gratitude and sharing it with the King of the Universe is so important. I’ve been told I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but that doesn’t stop me from belting out my favorite worship songs!
Start Small and G-R-O-W
We’ll spend our lifetime growing more Christ-like, and that’s why we need Mindset #2: Nurture & Grow Your Relationship with God. Sometimes it can feel daunting or like we aren’t making much progress, especially when we’re stuck in a rut. It’s important to remember that it’s a process of starting out small and moving your way up!
Like when you were a kid and wanted to ride a bike. You didn’t just hop on a two-wheeler and soar down the block. You first started out on push toys as a toddler, moved on to a tricycle, a two-wheeler with training wheels, and eventually those trainers came off and you could ride all on your own. That progression not only strengthened your leg muscles and developed your balance, it built confidence and skill.
Community, connection, and communication strengthen your spiritual muscles, build healthy mindsets, and grow your confidence and skill. You need all of these to progress in your transformation and to keep from getting stuck.
Say this prayer aloud and ask God to help you grow deeper in your relationship with Him:
Father God, in Colossians 2:6-7, Your Word says that the same way I received Jesus, my Lord and Messiah by faith, I will continue my journey of faith, progressing further into my union with Him! Thank you, Lord, that my spiritual roots go deeply into His life as I am continually infused with strength, and encouraged in every way through reading Your Word, speaking my prayers & worship, and through my fellowship with other believers. Holy Spirit, I thank you that you will speak to my heart and reveal to me the Fruits of the Spirit that You’d like to help me develop further. Thank you for your love and strength for my healing journey. In Jesus’ Mighty name, Amen!
Next Steps:
I encourage you to listen to the Day One of Sobriety Podcast: EP 2: Is Your Mind a Mental Mess? The Four Warning Signals You Need to Know, EP 3: You Were Created for Mind Renewal - Discover the Truth About Your Amazing Brain! and EP 4: How Do I Begin to Change? The Triple AAA Plan! These episodes will provide a deeper explanation of the scientific and biblical principles of mind renewal.
In Part 3 we’ll take a deep dive into Mindset #3: Faith is Not a Feeling - It’s a Choice. In this upcoming blog post we’re focusing on developing biblical faith. As a teaser, I’ll share two of my favorite faith quotes: 1) Fear tolerated is faith contaminated, and 2) Fear says, “What if,” but Faith says, “Even if!”
I invite you to head over now to our Mind Renewal Solution Made Simple Facebook group where you’ll find resources geared at helping you apply this mindset. I’ve linked the Fruit of the Spirit Assessment, Fruit of the Spirit descriptions, coloring pages, and a list of Bible study resources to help you dig deeper into God’s Word. Don’t stay stuck! Remember, knowledge fills you up, but application transforms you.
DISCLAIMER: The Day One of Sobriety podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Please consult your physician or doctor for all medical advice and counsel.
